Patience

I did not pray for patience. I don't remember doing that. I was always told it is dangerous to pray for patience. Job prayed for patience. Not me. Yet that seems to be what God is trying to teach me. This whole journey seems to be a lesson in faith, control, and patience. From the beginning of this roller coaster we've been waiting. Waiting for a diagnosis. Waiting for treatment to start working. Waiting to take Reagan off the vent. Waiting for her to eat on her own. Waiting, waiting, waiting...

Our lives have become a game of hurry up and wait. And now we wait again. Wait for results of an EEG done over a week ago. I know they say it could take up to 7 to 10 days to get results. And I realize that this transpired over Christmas. But they are not the ones sitting and waiting for results for their child. It's not their child. People seem to forget that. I'm in the medical field. I know how it goes. That EEG was read the day it was done. If not, then it was read the next day. I should have results by now. There is no reason to make us wait so long. So here I sit, wondering if her EEG was normal or not. It's frustrating.

It's funny how all of this has changed me. Things that used to upset me seem so trivial now. I'm learning that I have no control over anything except my own feelings. I can't control a traffic jam. But I can control how I feel about it and how I let it affect me. I used to be so uptight. I guess I still am to a certain degree. Just not as much. Or maybe not about the same things. This entire journey has made me a different person. I feel compassion for people I would have never looked twice at. I try to savor every moment instead of rushing through life. And I try to lean on God more instead of leaning on myself.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5